Month: March 2014
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My self-esteem must be pretty low that I started doubting my own existence very recently. Actually it’s not even about self esteem. It’s about the questions that I started to shoot myself since the beginning of 2013. This time it’s not about death. Instead it’s about birth.
My problem is that I started realizing there’s not enough data that can prove that I was actually and clinically born out of my mother’s birth cannel. In that case, You, also, don’t have that too. It’s sad that You cannot prove that you were born without depending on the information that the people around you provide you.
Firstly, We didn’t have a chance to remember our lives in mother’s womb. Not even in the third trimester or either the seconds you’ve been pushed out into the world, you’d never remember. But of course there’s a foto album containing your first hospital days, your first steps or your 1st birthday party and moreover , your birth certificates seems pretty official. So lots of people don’t bother. They don’t question about the things which they think they already had the answers. But what if the answers weren’t true since the beginning? What if everything you think you know is just what “They” want you to think?
Do you remember the first day you recognized your own existence? What if it never happened at all in the real world and it’s just a fragment of made-up memory that was uploaded into your brain? Let’s talk about the video game called “Temple run” shall we? The runner we chose as our character in the game wasn’t born from anyone but that wasn’t his problem. When the game starts , he has to run the shit out of himself in that never ending loop without knowing why. Ring any bell? Look at us. Look at our daily lives. Do we actually know why we have to do the shits we are doing everyday? What if we are in a giant game like that? I know you get this all the time esply these days. “life is a videogame hypothesis are everywhere on internet. So you might think this blog is just another spam telling you to like a bookstore link or forcing you to enroll a silly online cult which sends you 2000067456 mails per day. But no. fuck no.
Let’s say there was a boy who’s preparing a science project? He wrote a simulated computer program or he started a chemistry lab project . And he set some voltage wrong or there’s an error in that program he’s been running but the school dismissed and he went back home. But what if the mess he made in the lab leads to a tiny bigbang producing life that become us? What if this is all gonna end when he comes back to school after weekends? In that case we wouldn’t even know who the fuck that reckless boy is. Because he is something out of our knowledge. Everything we experience in life is limited by our senses and perceptions. We don’t know shit beyond that. For example, the gold fish in the glassbox on your shelf wouldn’t know the expire date of the last condom pack you bought last Sunday. Even if you explain him what an expire date, a condom and Sunday is there’s no way the poor gold fish can get you. Because they have not enough database to build and visualize the things you mentioned to them.
We are almost the same as that gold fish in 3” x 8″ tank. So what if you’re just an avatar being used by something what is so much bigger than us and so much beyond our reality? They made you. They chose you as a character of the game they play or the show they watch everyday? If they do that, of course they’ll make you think that you were born and you had parents. It would be so easy for them to do so. They just need to install a few bits of memory in ur brain. If they wanted to start playing you as an 8th grader, they’ll start playing you right away from 8th grade age. You popped up in the world and you found yourself in a high school writing notes , surrounded by some friends you seemed to know them since preschool. Then when the school bells rang, your parents , two other characters they already synced as your parents come and pick u up and…… there you go. The game successfully started! The next day you have exams at school and a girl next room asked you to take her out as a prom date.
See what I mean? We have shit loads to deal with everyday and these things look so real that makes us think we are real.
A recent neurological experiment shows that our brains knows what you’re doing in next 6 seconds. The incredible six seconds. And some scientists noted that brain is just a receiver that receives the signals from an “unknown source”. What source? Fuck if I know.
So let’s say, you’re in an ice cream shop, confusing what to choose between two flavors, then suddenly you chose a certain flavor. You think you made that decision spontaneously but no. Your brain has picked the flavor you chose 6,7 seconds ago while you were thinking of it. So it’s obvious that “the field” or the “Source” or whatever it is, it wants you to think that you have free will.
Some of you might say “this is bull shit, I pulled out my daughter out of my wife’s vagina by myself, she is real!!” but trust me I pulled out one myself already and will pull out another one soon. But that doesn’t mean that the same theory applied in your case. This too is a part of the scenario.
End of message.
Sorry for partyrocking.
I miss my 90’s days.
I remember the day I’ve been introduced to the video games. I was in first grade and somebody who was really rich in neighborhood had the idea of starting video game business in the center of the small town I lived in, Taungoo. My town was really really small that everyone knows everyone and if something new came to town, it’s well interested by everyone. People gathered around in no time and started playng videogames at that only gameshop. Yes. Game-renting-shop to be precise. People came and played by hour. A few kyats per hour I think.
That was when I only “HEARD” of videogames though. I didn’t have a chance to play it because when you’re a 1st grader you’re mostly broke. But I heard the theme sound of battle city and contra almost everyday and I kinda like them. They were really catchy tunes. My video gaming days started during summer of 1993 when I passed 3rd grade. At that time the first gameshop wasn’t the only gameshop anymore. Many shops with more TVs opened in town. The shop i mostly went to charged 15 kyats per hour and 8 kyats for half an hour.
Of course I chose 8-kyats-plan.
Sometimes, I was a little short on budget so i asked the shop owner if i could play 15 minutes for 4 kyats , but that cold-blooded-kid-hating-money-hunting chinese guy said no.
But playing at a game shop was such a rip off because nobody could stay there long enough to complete a fucking game. And these old family videogame sets didn’t come with saving device such as memory card or something like that. So once you left that gameshop you had to say goodbye to the victory you just made. Doesn’t matter you killed the dragon that kept mario’s princess or defeated the final gangster of TMNT, when you came back to the shop next morning, your mario had to eat the same mushrooms and get through all the shit you tried to get over with the other day. Long story short, I had to wait 2 more years to finally get my own video game set. My parents decided to buy me a video game set because , I think, nobody wants to play them anymore cause Nintendo’s are in and the old-model family video games became dirt-cheap. I didn’t blame them because I still wanted to play family games eventhough they became so yesterday. I thought I played it the whole day and I fell asleep beside the game console.
Even now I’m still playing Mario and Pac man. And sometimes contra. Comparing to the modern day game technology , the family games are basically shit. The characters in games are so tiny, sometimes they don’t even move only the background does. They were only two dimensional, the theme sound is the sync beeps going on as a loop. But why am I still obsessed with these old games? Because the programmers who created these games were fucking geniuses. They had lots of technical limitations but still they didn’t give up to entertain us. Think about how they created Mario theme tunes or load runners? Or even Mappy? I don’t know about you but if someone wakes me up in the middle of a night and asks what Mario theme tune is, although I could be really pissed off at him for waking me up, I can sing that tune to him. I read that a Japanese musician composed that Mario tune and im sure he was serious as fuck when he wrote that tune. There’s no way it could have been an easy job.
Then think about these action figures. The mushrooms makes Mario bigger. REALLY? Obviously , mushrooms and size-shifting doesn’t sound like a kid thing to me at all. Anyways, family games are awesome. I’m still playing them. I have some other system as play stations and shit like that but I cant leave the family game set behind. It’s been a big part of my life. A few months ago I showed some of my video game tape collections to my 6-yr-old daughter and she just could’t understand the whole system of it. She doesn’t understand why it doesn’t have a CD import or USB ? She doesn’t understand why she has to actually press the A-B buttons. At first she was very excited to play it but 5 minutes later she gave up already cos it was so hard for kids these days. She said it’s impossible. I just told her this thing (family game set) had a lot to do with my childhood before she took off.
That…..And tape cassettes.
I’m sure every kid who grew up in 90’s have the same amount of memory bits as mine with the tape cassettes. I received one as my 14th birthday present. Not directly though. I received 10000 kyats from my grandpa and I decided to buy a tape cassette with that birthday money. It was Panasonic and cost me 12000 kyats that made my mom paid me 2000 kyats. That cassette of mine didn’t have tape A to B recording system so that I couldn’t duplicate tapes. But I had an even better feature , a built-in condenser mic. The minute I realized I could record my OWN voice in-to it, I inserted a free tape, hit record button and played “Heartbreak station” by Cinderella band with my hollow guitar. I reran the tape and listened to what I just played and that was one of the the most amazing moments of my life. It opened a door to a complete new world for me. I started recording the stupid songs I wrote, I recorded my voice and a few weeks later I was starting to make my own mix-tapes which I handed out at school….and that experiences ,I think, somehow pushed me to what I am today. Because It surely gave me such addiction to record stuffs. I like recording sounds and listening to it. I also used to sync my cassette to a VCR player and captured the original sound-tracks of movies I liked. I used that technique long enough that I even remembered I made a mix tape of “Hallelujah” from Shrek movie and gave it to my wife(my girlfriend back then) in 2005! Call me lame or whatever you will but she accepted my proposal in the end so that tape idea seemed to work…. A lot.
Many other90’s things bit the pieces and chunks out of our legs….VCR, Gameboys, Tube-televisions, Phones with cords, touchable buttons, Fans, letters on paper, mail man, film cameras and RedHotChilliPeppers of course. A friend of mine from NewYork wrote me a letter last month and I can’t describe how awesome it was to read a paper-letter with human hand-writings on it after all these years. His hand-writing was still as wrecked as in his 7th grade but these little pieces imperfections made us what we are today and I feel seriously grateful for that.