humor

Just a random fuckabout. 

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Morning thoughts are funny. This morning… I woke up, fed my dogs, sat down with my coffee and out of nowhere I came to think about how all world leaders should declare their genital sizes to public like they’d declare their personal informations and possessions.   . Right from the beginning of their “political” journey. Like when their presidential or whatever profile is first introduced to public; for example, 

Brian A.Fucktard from Ohio with the mere 4 inches!! And he will ban the Healthcare  programs for midgets from every state!

Something like that.

And women presidents, also, follow the same rules. No choice but to declare  their vaginal width or length.  (In inches or meters. I don’t care.)

What for? Oh ..just for fun. So that we can have a chance to fuck with their heads whenever we feel like we hate them throughout their “political ” journeys. If the president with a small dodo does a great thing but you hate him anyways, so you can say “hmm it’s such a great achievement for a small dick president.” OR if he fucks up, you can go “HA! Told ya. What do you expect from a small prick?” You see?

Same thing with the big penis leaders too. “Hmm your brain is clearly not as big as your dick. You can’t do shit.”..you can say that when they make horrible decisions. And “Wow! You’ve done something bigger than your dick!” For their good deeds. Neat. Everything they do, you associate them with their genitals. You do it frequently and repeatedly so and they’ll go coocoo soon enough. They won’t  be able to focus on shits when they know that people will end up talking about his penis size at the end of the day no matter what they do. And they’ll panic and do more mistakes that’ll push the circle to roll even further more. And they’ll eventually die from it. Who knows?  Wouldn’t it be nice to watch a series of world leaders committing suicide every other week on TV?  That’d be my kinda tv show.

What for? Ohh nothing important. Just for a tiny laugh. 

Kp

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THIS IS MY GOD! NOT YOURS!

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Well, lets talk about God. Not any God. My God. My kinda God. Not your biblical God or any of these “Gods” which you’ve ever heard of or read about in texts. This is MY God. Ever heard of the term “oh my God”? Yea.. it’s about time you take that term seriously and respect it!So you can just shut up and listen. Or read. (Smiley face)

I wrote smiley face because I can’t find the emoji button on my keypad. My phone is china made. So it sucks.

Ok. My God.
It’s not your God. So it might be a bit or a whole lot different from yours. Your God is all about loving, caring, healing, resurrecting and all that but mine doesn’t give a shit. Yep. She doesn’t give a shit. Yes. She. Why she? Cos look around bro! See all these women? Guys are nothing but natural born slaves to them. All animals, insects,..even us, human beings. We’re all the same. We work for them. We are forced to work for them in fact. From stone age to now. We fought with mammoths and fucking dinosaurs to bring food back to caves so that we could feed the female kind of us who own the power to multiply some other little random slave_males like us or sometimes females like themselves and, who alone own the power to take care of those little ones properly. Of course we hit them on the head and dragged them to our caves first but hey that’s how stuffs worked back then. And look now? Any difference? The only difference is that now a days we don’t hit them on the head with clubs anymore and we bring cash back home instead of freshly killed random edible raw meats. Thanks to the butchery companies.
Anyways, my God, she must have created females in her resemblance. That’s why they are naturally superior to us males. They can shut us down just with their appearances, especially when a guy falls for a certain girl. We love them. So we spontaneously and willingly do shits for them at the end of the day. So, my God is a female. You have to deal with it and suck it right up, cos it’s ma God!

By the way, my God’s on drugs. She’s high as fuck. Like really tripping balls except she might not have any balls to begin with. We’re in her trippy dream.
She’s having a super mind trip and we’re all in this. She’s all of us. She’s in us. She’s experiencing everything through us. As us. Why? Because she can. She just fucking can. Look at the galaxies, spirals helix, DNA, jelly fish, coastal reefs, flowers, peanut butter, musical notes, frequencies, spectrums, northern lights and fuckin grand canyon! Quite trippy or what? She’s enjoying it from our view.We are in her dream and she knows it doesn’t matter to her because it’s all just a dream to her after all. We will be ended once she woke up. That’s why she doesn’t give a shit whatever shit you do. Cause there’s a system called karma in this dream of hers. It’s the random consequences of your actions. Once you start doing an action, even the small acts like blinking or smiling at someone, there certainly will be a series of follow_up consequences which lead to other millions of multiple random subconsequences that can end up good or bad. But then again, actions are based on thoughts. Thoughts initiate the actions. By the time you started thinking of something or doing something, karma is waiting to throw random shits back at ya in the future.
So yea, she doesn’t need to care about a single thing, ‘Cause it’s all a bunch of random happenings to her. Good or bad. Moreover , she’s not the one who’s responsible for your actions. You are. There’s a little loop_hole she inserted in you just to make her work guilt_free_easy.
She gave you free will. It’s installed in you since day 1. You make the choices. Not her. She’s just watching these series of neverending consequences you started and can never finish until you die, probably with some popcorn cups in her hands.And remember? She’s in you. Your dreams are like her dreams withing her another bigger dream. If you die, she dies with you, then you and her  both wake up again and realize that too was just a part of the dream in another bigger dream of God herself, and you guys will have a laugh together and will try to jump down into another dreams within the domain dream. That’s my God. She won’t judge you for shits you’ve done, not because she loves you, but because she doesn’t give a fuck. There’s no sin. There’s no good and bad in her eyes. So there’ll be no hell or heaven in her realm. 

Now at least one guy on earth believed in this crazy hippie chick_God of mine so far. I’m not gonna try and tell you to believe in it but I can prove my God’s for real as much as y’all can prove yours.
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I let my phone write an essay by itself

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Since a long time ago, human race had ridiculed the computers for something they cannot process; creating something on their own such as making music or telling jokes. But old computers don’t save much datas in them. They didn’t have enough memory to store enough database to create things by themselves…like human. We also take a few years to learn to speak. We needed database too.
I think computers and phones these days are ready for this challenge. I’m now typing through my phone which I used passed 9 months and it has auto correct system which stores the words I used when I text or email someone. Through that process it can predict what I might be typing after particular words. I guess I gave it enough data base to start writing on its own. Starting from next paragraph, I’ll just press the prediction button and let’s see what it gets for us.

We have a president who told me that the information you need to be fed with these tags to allocate space for the first time in the UK. I have to go to the last one, City of London. I have to go to the last one, City of London. I have to go to the last one, City of London. This will allow us on or off to bed now and get back. It has to do with age, but it would like the one you want. I was a very long, but it would like the one you want. If you are looking for a while. I have to go to the last one, and I will. The may not necessarily those with an update. If it was the last time. The list is a good time. This is a digital copy of the people of different types of accommodation!!
I have been in a couple. .The other is a bit of a new thought that you have more time with you to think about it. I pinned that curiosity on my mindboard. I promised to send you a call on the pavements, we are scared of the day, even though the same time. The comments for your help. I washed up the phone and it will slap me to do it frequently asked questions and answers.

……oooook. …its me again here. Not my phone speaking anymore. I could go on forever and keep reading these kinda  computer – whining forever. It’s cool. Right?
Come onn!! Admit that was fascinating!!! Right there was a complete randomness coming out of a finite input. I could read the mere mind of my phone. You should try it too. It somehow reflects your personality too because you were the sole input of it’s output. You’ll reap what you seeded.

I don’t understand why #1

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1. I don’t understand why 6 out of 7 radio stations of Burma have to air the daily national news, all together, at 8 pm? Supposed we have “democracy” now ? And when they broadcast that 8 pm news, it’s the same old kinda news they used to tell us past 30 years. Not the real news like hit and run or burglary or any of those interesting and entertaining shits. We got the news of governmental people going from here to there…and the events those elite people attended. That’s it. They think that’s  news. OR.. They want us to think it’s news. Really? Really people? Nobody likes to know about their boring schedules nor meetings. They are not only extremely unnecessary , but also ridiculously suicidal. I might die watching the whole one hour of this crap. I guess nobody watched it unless they are a bunch of boring blokes who got nothing better to do but still they are airing the same crap at the same time. 8 o clock!! Before, only on governmental radios and televisions..now on all commercial radios and televisions!!! Whatever happened to freedom of choice? Or freedom of media and press? Why do they think it’s still necessary to brainwash us if they gave us democracy already? Everyone who reads knows that airing propaganda on radios is something what dictators do. ANNNND. .If they sincerely think that all burmese citizens need to be fed with these informations, why only 6 out of 7 radio stations have to air the news at 8 pm and why not all? What happened to the last one, City fm? They air happy birthday programs or some horoscope thing at 8 pm. Why are they not telling news when the rest of the stations are? Why are they exceptional? 
I’ll never understand.

Don’t take life seriously

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It gives me an awful chill whenever I heard some parents saying “I gave you life. You should be eternally thankful” to the kids of their own. Is it true? Is it what every parent had in mind right before they jumped on to beds and do some penetrations? So you were thinking about your baby’s first day of school or having a father and son quality times fishing in a lake, right before you take off your partner’s clothes? That kinda thoughts could even turn out to be contraceptive agents. So you’ll probably focusing on boobs and what else.
Yes we gave them life intentionally or unintentionally. But is life good? Did you really really believe that your life was so full of good stuffs that made you wanna create someone on your own so that they could have the same good feelings you had?
The answer will be sadly no. We knew that there’s more pain then happiness in life. Life itself is nothing but pain/suffering since the beginning. Think about it, if you were a “baby-to-be- seed” and you know that you were gonna spend next 9 months in a tinny little sack inside of a random woman whom you never met before, would you do that if you have other choices? I recently read a funny article line saying “life is a sexually transmitted disease” which I can’t agree more. It’s right metaphorically and physically.  Life is a disease. DIS-EASE.  NOT ease. Means not easy. It’s difficult and it’s rather uncomfortable. 
One might say “isn’t there any pleasure in life at all?” Then you can say yes too. Of course there’s pleasure but again pleasure is always something in between one pain and another. its a mirage. It doesn’t exist without pain.
I’ll show you an example. Do you see two dots under this?

     ●                           ●

So you see the space in between them yea?  And what if I remove the dots?

No space can be seen without the initial dots. So what I’m trying to say here is this so called pleasure is only felt when there’s the pain to relief or let go. You’re happy only until you see the next problems.
So what the fuck are we gonna do? Now we already made this little one come into our lives which is full of suffering! I kinda regret that when I saw my second daughter’s face for the first time. It’s weird that one side of me is extremely happy and the other quite feels like shit. Cos that other part of me made me think that this little innocent one ,who just came out into the world, will have to go through sickness, sadness, worries, relationships, labor pain and all that jazz. But by the time I’ve come conscious about it, it’s already too late right?
So I think my responsibility as a father is not only to make good things happened to my daughters,  but also to make them resist sufferings.  Just because pain is there doesn’t mean you have to suffer. There must be a loop – hole as there always is.
I’m not saying that I found a away, but I’m trying to start a search. Buddhism teaches a lot about the nature of pain and how to overcome it peacefully by accepting the things as they really are. I don’t understand much yet but I’m trying to do my best because even though some parents expect eternal thankfulness from their kids, we ever can’t give them eternal protection….yet.

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90’s

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I miss my 90’s days.

I remember the day I’ve been introduced to the video games. I was in first grade and somebody who was really rich in neighborhood had the idea of starting video game business in the center of the small town I lived in, Taungoo. My town was really really small that everyone knows everyone and if something new came to town, it’s well interested by everyone. People gathered around in no time and started playng videogames at that only gameshop. Yes. Game-renting-shop to be precise. People came and played by hour. A few kyats per hour I think.
That was when I only “HEARD” of videogames though. I didn’t have a chance to play it because when you’re a 1st grader you’re mostly broke. But I heard the theme sound of battle city and contra almost everyday and I kinda like them. They were really catchy tunes. My video gaming days started during summer of 1993 when I passed 3rd grade. At that time the first gameshop wasn’t the only gameshop anymore. Many shops with more TVs opened in town. The shop i mostly went to charged 15 kyats per hour and 8 kyats for half an hour.
Of course I chose 8-kyats-plan.
Sometimes, I was a little short on budget so i asked the shop owner if i could play 15 minutes for 4 kyats , but that cold-blooded-kid-hating-money-hunting chinese guy said no.
But playing at a game shop was such a rip off because nobody could stay there long enough to complete a fucking game. And these old family videogame sets didn’t come with saving device such as memory card or something like that. So once you left that gameshop you had to say goodbye to the victory you just made. Doesn’t matter you killed the dragon that kept mario’s princess or defeated the final gangster of TMNT, when you came back to the shop next morning, your mario had to eat the same mushrooms and get through all the shit you tried to get over with the other day. Long story short, I had to wait 2 more years to finally get my own video game set. My parents decided to buy me a video game set  because , I think, nobody wants to play them anymore cause Nintendo’s are in and the old-model family video games became dirt-cheap. I didn’t blame them because I still wanted to play family games eventhough they became so yesterday.  I thought I played it the whole day and I fell asleep beside the game console.
Even now I’m still playing Mario and Pac man. And sometimes contra. Comparing to the modern day game technology , the family games are basically shit.  The characters in games are so tiny, sometimes they don’t even move only the background does. They were only two dimensional, the theme sound is the sync beeps going on as a loop. But why am I still obsessed with these old games? Because the programmers who created these games were fucking geniuses. They  had lots of technical limitations but still they didn’t give up to entertain us. Think about how they created Mario theme tunes or load runners? Or even Mappy? I don’t know about you but if someone wakes me up in the middle of a night and asks what Mario theme tune is, although I could be really pissed off at him for waking me up, I can sing that tune to him. I read that a Japanese musician composed that Mario tune and im sure he was serious as fuck when he wrote that tune. There’s no way it could have been an easy job.
Then think about these action figures. The mushrooms makes Mario bigger.                                                                            REALLY?                                                                                                                                                                                                      Obviously , mushrooms and size-shifting doesn’t sound like a kid thing to me at all. Anyways, family games are awesome. I’m still playing them. I have some other system as play stations and shit like that but I cant leave the family game set behind. It’s been a big part of my life. A few months ago I showed some of my video game tape collections to my 6-yr-old daughter and she just could’t understand the whole system of it. She doesn’t understand why it doesn’t have a CD import or USB ? She doesn’t understand why she has to actually press the A-B buttons.  At first she was very excited to play it but 5 minutes later she gave up already cos it was so hard for kids these days. She said it’s impossible. I just  told her this thing (family game set) had a lot to do with my childhood before she took off.
That…..And tape cassettes.
I’m sure every kid who grew up in 90’s have the same amount of memory bits as mine with the tape cassettes. I received one as my 14th birthday present. Not directly though. I received 10000 kyats from my grandpa and I decided to buy a tape cassette with that birthday money. It was Panasonic and cost me 12000 kyats that made my mom paid me 2000 kyats. That cassette of mine didn’t have tape A to B recording system so that I couldn’t duplicate tapes. But I had an even better feature , a built-in condenser mic. The minute I realized I could record my OWN voice in-to it, I inserted a free tape,  hit record button and played “Heartbreak station” by Cinderella band with my hollow guitar. I reran the tape and listened to what I just played and that was one of the the most amazing moments of my life. It opened a door to a complete new world for me. I started recording the stupid songs I wrote,  I recorded my voice and a few weeks later I was starting to make my own mix-tapes which I handed out at school….and that experiences  ,I think,  somehow pushed me to what I am today. Because It surely gave me such addiction to record stuffs. I like recording sounds and listening to it. I also used to sync my cassette to a VCR player and captured the original sound-tracks of movies I liked. I used that technique long enough that I even remembered I made a mix tape of “Hallelujah” from Shrek movie and gave it to my wife(my girlfriend back then) in 2005!  Call me lame or whatever you will but she accepted my proposal in the end so that tape idea seemed to work…. A lot.
Many other90’s things bit the pieces and chunks out of our legs….VCR, Gameboys, Tube-televisions, Phones with cords, touchable buttons, Fans, letters on paper, mail man, film cameras and RedHotChilliPeppers of course. A friend of mine from NewYork  wrote me a letter  last month and I can’t describe how awesome it was to read a paper-letter with human hand-writings on it after all these years.  His hand-writing was still  as wrecked as in his 7th grade but  these little pieces imperfections made us what we are today and I feel seriously  grateful for that.
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